During this magical time of year, we are reminded of Christmases past, family and friends,
and BRUTAL FINANCIAL ASS-RAPE BY LAKE LANIER ISLANDS MAGICAL NIGHTS OF LIGHTS DISPLAY.

 

Here is the situation:

 

Lake Lanier has now decided that you should pay
SIXTY
DOLLARS
to see their diminutive drive-through light display. It is a 1 mile drive around Lake Lanier to see shitty lighted wireframes of jovial Christmas characters dancing in extreme mirth because they do not have to pay
sixty god damned dollars to see a Christmas light display.

For many many years, the admission price was $17. Around town you could find $5-off coupons for the light show which would bring the total to $12. Not bad for a carload of people.

I got my coupon this year for $5-off and written on the coupon I noticed that the price was now


SIXTY DOLLARS
for weekend admission.

At first, I barely noticed the small discomfort I felt around my butt hole area. But then, like a crushing cannon of pain, my ass was being repeatedly pounded and I turned my head and saw an abomination so horrible that I wept instantly.

IT WAS LAKE LANIER ISLANDS RESORT FUCKING ME IN THE ASS
WITH ONE HAND IN MY BACK POCKET CLENCHING MY WALLET.

I then noticed that there were more words on the coupon. It said $40 mon-thurs admission. I realized that with the coupon it would only cost $35 and I breathed a sigh of releif and all in an instant, Lake Lanier had disappeared and my ass hole was back to normal.

"Okay, so they are doubling their prices but at least it's not out of control" I thought to myself.

I mentally cut my losses and a few days later I drove to Lake Lanier.

On December 21 (I made sure to go on a monday for $35 admission prices) we arrived at the Lake Lanier Magical Nights of Rape gate and on a big fucking sign lit up with big fucking numbers said:

TONIGHT'S PRICE:

SIXTY DOLLARS

"MOTHER FUCKERS" I screamed as I approached the window.

"What the hell happed to the $40 monday through thursday price"?

"We're sorry sir, if you look at the coupon you have it says that Dec. 21-24 is regular admission price".

I looked on the coupon and sure enough, in little tiny mice type it said " Dec. 21-24 is regular admission price of

SIXTY DOLLARS

I BECAME ENRAGED and I was just about to stuff that jolly bitch's face full of fist when suddenly...

I FELT THE EXTREME ANAL PAIN AGAIN. POUNDING MY ASS HOLE REPEADEDLY.

BUT IT WAS DIFFERENT. IT WAS MORE VIOLENT, MORE POWERFUL AND IT HURT 1000 TIMES WORSE THAN BEFORE.

IT WAS LAKE LANIER ISLANDS RESORT AGAIN, BUT DOUBLED IN SIZE!
POUNDING ME IN THE ASS AGAIN.

THIS TIME IT HAD BOTH HANDS IN MY BACK POCKET AND IT HAD ALREADY STOLEN MY WALLET.

 

Now, I understand capitalism, and THIS is not it.

This is some overbearing piece of shit CEO cash whore that feels that most people will view this during the week of Christmas so it is okay to price gouge the living shit out of every family of suckers to roll through the gate.

What, does your electric bill systematically triple during the week of Christmas? Mine doesn't.

And neither does the rest of the world's electric bills.

You are just banking that human beings have no frugal sense during the holidays.

 

So for all of you that may not realize how big of a fucking ripoff this is, here is a chart that shows you what you can get for $60 in today's market:

Things you can get for the same price as getting manhandled in your ass hole
by Lake Lanier Islands Magical Nights of Lights

6 trips to the movie theater
unlimited admission to every Six Flags park in the United States for one entire year
12 Little Caesar's pizzas
600 packs of Ramen noodles
unlimited rounds of go carts and minigolf for 2 people at any family fun center
4 days of contiuous play at penny slot machines in Las Vegas (including unlimited free alcohol)
2 hotel rooms in Las Vegas
1 reasonably attractive hooker in Las Vegas
40 strands of Christmas lights to decorate your own house and yard with
96 Miller High Life beers
6 endtables at IKEA
nearly 2 tanks of gas for your car
60 lottery tickets (Which could turn into millions of dollars)
hots dogs and buns for 72 people

 

FUCK LAKE LANIER.


 
 
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