9 reasons why college football sucks

1. Everyone is the champion!

You are just about to start celebrating that Florida has won the Championship for 2008 when you suddenly realize:

"Oh God dammit, these 33 other teams are the champions too"?

Wake Forest Louisiana Tech Iowa
Colorado State Rutgers Georgia
USF Missouri Nebraska
Arizona Maryland USC
Southern Miss Rice Virginia Tech
TCU Oregon Ole Miss
Notre Dame Houston Kentucky
Florida Atlantic Oregon State Utah
West Virginia Vanderbilt Connecticut
Florida State Kansas Texas
California LSU Tulsa
2008 College Football Champions

and now you are really pissed because you realize that you're only 1/34th the Champion.

And now you only get to say "We're the best team in division 1AAAAAAAAAAAAA19AA.QLAAaa"!

We need a playoff system, and everyone who is not retarded knows it.


2. The Official College Rankings are released BEFORE the season has started based on ABSOLUTELY NO CREDENTIALS OR STATISTICS WHATSOEVER.

I would ask what purpose ranking teams before the season has started could possibly serve but I really could not possibly give less of a shit what the answer is.

Could you imagine what a retarded world we would live in if some board of rectum sniffing twits made outrageous statements like "The Official NFL ranking is... Cleveland Browns at #1".


3. Overtime is a travesty.

So let me get this straight, you put the ball on the 25 and everyone gets a chance to score over and over and over again? Are we in fucking Kindergarten? Why don't you just have Susie designate someone as IT and play tag until everyone is tired and ready for nap time. Then everyone in the crowd gets a cookie and a good burp until it's time for mommy to pick us up at 6:30.

Gay; completely cock-touching gay.


4. The school band gets to reserve an entire 1/4th of the seats in the stadium.

Oh great, just what we needed, 6,000 fucking french horns blaring out crazy train or I've been workin' on the railroad 68 times per quarter.

If we wanted horns during football we would have hired The Swingin' Medallions to play outside in the parking lot, we don't really need 10,000 sub-par drumline fucks taking up all of the lower-level seats.


5. Talent is missing

You never see any spectacular hits in college football because college players are not big enough, fast enough or talented enough to break another player's face. It's like the WNBA, nobody wants to watch a game with 28 lay ups. We want slam dunks. And since women are incapable of dunking a basketball, ratings are in the toilet.


6. If you fall over, the play is over.

Stupid. Just stupid.


7. Stickers on helmets.

Just when you finally think you are an adult since you are a collegiate student at a prestigious university.

Nope, welcome to gradeschool. Great job, YOU GET A STICKER! Could you imagine stickers in the NFL? "Super job Tom Brady, in unnecessary recognition of your individual accolades, YOU GET A STICKER!

"Wow, what an esteemed honor. There are so many people I have to thank; Mr. Wilson the PE coach, my mom and dad who always taught me that if I believe in myself and don't poop my pampers, that one day I could get a sticker on my helmet".


8. Georgia Bulldogs fans.

One billion illiterate toothless rednecks with red Ford F-150's with twelve Georgia flags attached to each window and four Bulldogs license plates when the truck only has attachments for two. Rest assured, if you have to travel anywhere on a saturday in the south, you will be inundated and stamped to death.

It's like I Am Legend at night. Stay inside and lock all of your windows and doors.

When your team loses, normal people hang their head low and quietly go back to their homes and don't discuss the game ever again. But not Georgia fans. No, they come rolling down the road as drunk as two 14 year old boys stumbling out of Chad Kroeger's house at 7AM. Loud, obnoxious and completely unaware of the raping their team just experienced. Georgia fans are incapable of shutting the fuck up.


9. Idiots who say college players have more "heart" and NFL players are spoiled millionaires.

Wrong. NFL players live and die to win a Superbowl. That is the goal. College players play for the opportunity to sign million-dollar contracts in the NFL. They only care about their petty individual stats and merits so they can hit that payday when they get to the NFL.

NFL players (excluding a few outliers) play for the glory.

You kneel down in the huddle with Ray Lewis one day and tell me he's in it for the money, dumbass.





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